Chapter four - The husband patterns his leadership after Christ the Bridegroom.

 

• The husband as spiritual leader of the family.

 

The husband is recognized by God to be the final word in the spiritual matters of the family.

 

Num 30:12  But if her husband hath utterly made them void on the day he heard them; then whatsoever proceeded out of her lips concerning her vows, or concerning the bond of her soul, shall not stand: her husband hath made them void; and the LORD shall forgive her.

Num 30:13  Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void.

1Co 7:39   The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

 

• The wife is to receive doctrinal training from her husband.

 

1Tim 2:11-12  Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.  But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

1Co 14:34  Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

1Co 14:35  And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

 

She helps her husband to learn to be the spiritual leader of the family by allowing him to find answers to her spiritual questions.  Learning Biblical doctrine from her husband means that both spouses will have no doctrinal differences to cause strife in their marriage.  You will notice that she does not even try to go around his teaching by asking questions of the leaders of the church that her husband approves of.  She asks her husband, and if he knows, he looks good. If he doesn't know, he will be the one to seek out the answers.  Should she disagree with his answers, she gives it to the Lord to teach her husband the right answers in His own time.

 

It is important for her not to usurp authority over her husband. For God communicates to the wife through the husband, the spiritual leader of the family.

 

As an example, while serving in the military, I never had a high ranking officer like a general, personally give me orders.  Orders were always delivered through the chain of command.  Yet the orders that I received were given with all the authority of the commanding officer that issued them.

 

God also leads the wife through His chain of command, using the spiritual leader of the family which is your husband.  The Holy Spirit works through your husband in his prayer, studying, teaching, and expounding the Word to his wife, leading you both to know God's will and direction. The Holy Spirit will not go around God's chain of command to reveal His will directly to the wife. So the wife who wants to know what God's will is for her life will honor the authority of her husband, and seek God's leading through him.

 

The wife can still read God's Word and hear Him speak, she can still pray and talk to her heavenly Father, but the Spirit will lead through the husband.

 

Can a wife be directed by the Spirit without the husband? We look to the example of Moses who was the leader of the Israelis, to see how God handled the challenge of His appointed leader, several times his leadership was questioned.

 

Num 12:2  And they said, Hath the LORD indeed spoken only by Moses? hath he not spoken also by us? And the LORD heard it.

Num 16:3  And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?

 

They all believed in God, worshipped Him, what gave Moses any more right for leadership than they had. God had given Moses the position of leadership, that was the difference.

 

Num 16:11  For which cause both thou and all thy company are gathered together against the LORD: and what is Aaron, that ye murmur against him?

 

They challenged the leadership of this meek man named Moses, but the bible says that in reality they gathered together against the LORD, and if you read the context of that passage you will see that the consequences of refusing to follow his leadership was severe. The wife should not try to go around God's chain of command.

 

We are to follow Christ's example.

 

1Pe 2:21  For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

 

• Men are to lead with love.

 

Husbands are to follow the example of Christ as the Bridegroom, and learn from Him, how He deals with His bride. Men are to love their wives, and to be willing to put her needs over your own.

 

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

 

• Love sacrifices

 

Eph 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.

2Cor 8:9  For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.

Eph 5:25, Jn 15:13

 

Having control of the families finances it is tempting to spend freely on yourself. Christ sacrificed his own desires, leaving all the glories and riches of heaven to provide for the believer, leaving us an example as husbands to follow.

 

• Love nourishes

 

Christ nourished His own, He is the good Shepherd. So husbands likewise should nourish their own wives. You have the responsibly to work, pay the bills, provide the money for the needs of the family.

 

Eph 5:28-29  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

 

• Love does what is best for the wife even though she may not want it.

 

Peter didn't want his companion, friend, mentor, and teacher to go to His death, but Jesus knew what was best for his disciple. And Christ knew that what Peter really needed was a Savior.  For Him to be that Savior, He had to die. Peter didn't understand, but Christ did, because the Father had revealed that truth to Him in His position as a leader. As a leader, the husband is wise to do what is best for your wife even if it may not be what she wants.

 

Mt 16:21-22  From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day.  Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee.

 

The wife may ask for a nicer house or a fancy car, but it may be better not to go into debt for such a purchase. Wisdom may say to delay or deny such a purchase even though she may really want it.

 

• Love demonstrates authority.

 

Mar 1:22  And they were astonished at his doctrine: for he taught them as one that had authority, and not as the scribes.

Mat 11:1 And it came to pass, when Jesus had made an end of commanding his twelve disciples, he departed thence to teach and to preach in their cities.

 

• Love edifies.

 

2Co 10:8  For though I should boast somewhat more of our authority, which the Lord hath given us for edification, and not for your destruction, I should not be ashamed:

 

• The husband has God's authority to be the final word.

 

Num 30:13  Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void.

Luk 7:8-9  For I also am a man set under authority, having under me soldiers, and I say unto one, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it. When Jesus heard these things, he marvelled at him, and turned him about, and said unto the people that followed him, I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.

 

The husband has that authority, but he also has the responsibility for the spiritual health of his wife and children. He will have to stand before his Head one day and give an account of the things his family does. His wife will have to stand before God and give account of her submission to her head.

 

Heb 13:17  Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

Num 30:14  But if her husband altogether hold his peace at her from day to day; then he establisheth all her vows, or all her bonds, which are upon her: he confirmeth them, because he held his peace at her in the day that he heard them.

Num 30:15  But if he shall any ways make them void after that he hath heard them; then he shall bear her iniquity.

1Sa 3:13  For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

 

• Love leads by example.

 

1Pe 5:3  Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.

1Ti 4:12  Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

 

Christ wants us to serve,so He served. He wants us to give so He gave. Jesus lead by love, and He wants us to lead with love.

 

• Love leads with humility.

 

1Pe 5:5  Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.

 

• Love tries to explain most actions.

 

Mt 16:21 From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day.

 

Before telling your wife what to do.  Explain what you would like her to do, and seeking her counsel, since she is your help meet, and your greatest asset.  When you try to explain what actions you can, your spouse hopefully will understand if you don't have time, or you lack the words to explain other actions.  But God made you the leader, so after you consider her counsel, you have to make the final decision and you have to take responsibility for the results of that decision.