Chapter seven - What if?

 

What if my husband tells me to commit a crime?

 

You should always obey the higher law.  Any order that violates a higher law is one that you can and should refuse.  We are suppose to obey the government, but if the government tells a physician to abort a baby, that doctor should refuse because he is obeying God's higher law.  A soldier who is told to shoot an unarmed civilian is correct in disobeying that order, as was shown in WWII by Nazi prison guards. If your husband tells you to violate God's higher law, you have every right to disobey him to be in obedience to God.

 

Acts 5:29 Then Peter and the [other] apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.

 

What if my husband wants me to do something silly or stupid?

 

When a person enters the military, he is often given tasks that may seem silly or have no purpose, like saluting a garbage can, digging a hole only to fill it and then dig it again.  The purpose of these exercises is to teach that person to obey without question an order that doesn't seem to make any sense.  That person may someday be sent to a battlefield without knowing the complete plan, only the small part that he has been assigned to him.  He may not be informed of land mines in areas that he was not assigned.  And his obeying an order to be at a certain place at a certain time may influence the results of the overall battle.  When that soldier goes to war he will no longer be saluting garbage cans, his leaders can rely on his willingness to obey orders. Your husband may similarly have you doing silly things until he can rely on your submission.

 

As for your husband doing something that might be "stupid", there are two basic categories;

• Dumb, but not dangerous.

Experience is sometimes the best teacher. Sometimes allowing a person to fail is the only way that they will learn.

 

• Dumb and dangerous.

Sometimes you may have to intervene in a situation that may result in actual harm. Take the example of Nabal and his wife Abigail as found in 1 Sam 25. Nabal had just insulted David, and he was in danger of losing his life, even though he didn't know it. His wife found out about the danger that he was in and intervened for him, without his knowledge, and saved his life.

 

1Sa 25:24  And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid.

1Sa 25:25  Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is,so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him: but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send.

 

What if my husband isn't living for Christ.

 

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

 

You will notice that "that, if any obey not the word" and does not say that he isn't saved. Men are visual, wives are a type of the bride of Christ, she shows her husband and children how the bride of Christ submits to Christ the groom. You are a living lesson to your husband even without words.

 

What if I have way more spiritual knowledge than my husband.

 

Start with the previous answer found in 1 Pet 3:1. I would guess that at the beginning of your marriage, you didn't rely on him to answer your spiritual questions, you were more interested in the subject than he was, so he ceded his leadership in that field to you. You may feel like a spiritual pygmy if all of a sudden you give him back the leadership in that area, but it is the only way that he will start to grow.

  

                                                        What About?

 

What about the verse Ephesians 5:21?

 

Ephesians 5:21  Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

 

This verse would seem to indicate that the husband should also submit to the wife, but this verse was actually written to the whole church of Ephesus.  That verse says that we all, both male and female, are members of the bride of Christ and we are to submit to all other believers, which is the guy in the pew behind you in church, and also his wife, and his children, or any other believer.  This is the principle known as (JOY)  Jesus,others, yourself ( JOY ), and the other brother principle.

 

Php 2:4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Rom 15:1 We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

Rom 15:2 Let every one of us please [his] neighbour for [his] good to edification.

 

Wives as believers are also to submit to any other believer in this sense, but they are further instructed to go beyond that level of submission when dealing with their husbands.  Submitting to them as they would submit to the Lord.

 

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

 

Some preachers teach that submission and obedience are two different things.

 

The dictionary definition of submission is;

: the state of being obedient : the act of accepting the authority or control of someone else

 

Strong's definition is:

g5293. ὑποτάσσω hypotassō; from 5259 and 5021; to subordinate; reflexively, to obey: — be under obedience (obedient), put under, subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to, under), submit self unto.

 

We are to submit to God, is obedience to Him optional?

 

Jas 4:7  Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

 

We are to submit ourselves to the government, is that obedience optional?

 

1Pe 2:13  Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

 

God commands the wife to be obedient.

 

1Tim 2:11-12  Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.  But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

 

1Co 14:34  Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

 

How can you teach younger women to be obedient to their own husbands without believing it yourself?

 

Tit 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

 

I have been the "leader", what do I do now.

 

Your husband may have surrendered his position as leader of the family years ago. You may be the only one working. He may be spending his whole day on video games, alcohol, drugs, etc. Your whole family depends on your paycheck to survive. You may be the bible student of the family.

 

First, advise other women seeking marriage to marry a man who is responsible, and he should be a man that you respect. He should not only be responsible in his work habits, but more importantly, he should be responsible to God. Marrying a man that you do not respect, and having to submit to him in everything, wow.

 

Second, start from where you are at. Have a conversation with him, discuss your desire to honor him as leader. Find any areas of your lives that he would be willing to take leadership in, and then actually give him full support in that area. Be willing to see him stumble, without your criticism.  As he gains confidence in one area of leadership, encourage him to take leadership in other areas.

 

As for the spiritual leadership, start slow. Start with the milk of the word, asking for a joint bible study in a book like John. Allow him to designate who will read a passage, and then ask him, to give his thoughts about that passage. Ask simple questions, sticking with milk questions. He may not get the correct interpretation, but try not correct his analysis. Full leadership may take years, or he may never fully accept the responsibility that he should have.