Page 5 | Leadership

Chapter five - The wife patterns her submission after the Church, the bride of Christ.

We have seen that the husband has been given the role of leadership in his marriage from God. The wife likewise have been given a role in the marriage relationship from God in which is that she is to be in submission to her husband's leadership. God has commanded the wife to submit to her husband's authority.

1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

And while that all is true, in a strange sense the wife is showing leadership. Men are weak in relationships, and that is where women excel. As mentioned before we model our concept of God the Father, by observing our own fathers. We model our concept of how to be a Christian (the Bride of Christ) by how our mother relates to our father, and how our wives relate to us as husbands. Men are visual, but as a male it is a completely foreign concept for him to relate to Christ as being a part of the "bride of Christ", which sounds female to us. He tries to understand by watching how you relate to him as his bride. By modeling the bride of Christ and submitting your husband, you are the instructor and are teaching both your husband, and your children, by your life. Just how to fulfill their role as part of the bride of Christ and showing them how Christ expects his bride(the church) to relate to Him.

Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Let's expand on the term "everything".

Submitting your body.

God wants you to give your body to your spouse.

1Co 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

You will notice that this submission of your body goes far beyond just letting your spouse just have access to your body, it gives full power or control of your body to your mate.

God wants your body to bring honor your head.

1Co 11:4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.

1Cor 11:5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with [her] head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.

1Cor 11:15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for [her] hair is given her for a covering.

Both men and women can honor or dishonor their head by the length of their hair. Wives should let her husband determine just what long means when it comes to your hair length.

Submit your finances to your head.

When you submit your finances to the Lord, you understand that all we have comes from Him, it all belongs to Him, and that He has allowed us to use those resources as His stewards. He can remove those resources at His pleasure because they belong to Him.

1Co 4:7 For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?

Ecc 5:19 Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God.

1Ti 6:7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.

Job 1:21

In the same manner, when you submit your finances to your husband, does he just get to have the last word, or will you give him full control. Just like we are stewards of the money that God has lent us. You, as his wife are your husband's steward. Treat all of your money as though it belongs to your husband. You then tell him your wants and needs, and allow him to be the one who will supply those needs. You are modeling the Bride of Christ giving your family a living example of how they should ask the Father to supply all of your families needs and rely on His provision.

By allowing your husband be the financial leader of the family, you are helping him to learn how to be a better leader in every area. By learning to take responsibility for his financial decisions, he will see that it is his responsibility to provide for the needs of the family. His actions and decisions can result in poverty or plenty. By submitting all your financial life to your husband, you are allowing him to be able to display sacrificial love. Finally you no longer have to worry about unpaid or late bills, that is his responsibility, that weight is now all upon his shoulders.

By her fully submitting her finances to her husband, just like the church submits her finances to Christ, she is showing both him and your children a visual example of just how giving to God is supposed to be done. Likewise your husband can be a visual example of just how God provides.

Jn 14:13-14 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do [it.]

Submit your time.

Psa 31:15 My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me.

Submit your children.

Children are a gift from God, on loan for us to train.

Psa 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Christ gave authority to His disciples, (Luk 9:1), and the husband has the right to give authority to the wife in her dealing with their children. Just how to raise your children is his decision. But the temptation to pour all your love and time into your children is very tempting. Having a baby that is completely helpless and totally dependent on you, it is easy to focus all your time and energy into his care, and that time and energy has to come from your time with him.

Your husband may understand his neglect for a short time, but when it extends to school age and beyond it grows stale.

Pursue your husband.

Everybody wants to be pursued, even God Himself wants us to pursue Him ;

Jer 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Your husband also wants to be pursued, and what comes easy for him (God filled him up with testosterone), is something you have to work on. If your pursuit of him is "lukewarm", your relationship will suffer.

Rev 3:15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.

Rev 3:16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

Submit to build up your husband.

God wants you to build up your spouse. A wise woman encourages her husband and works to build him up, rather than tear him down, especially in front of others.

Pro 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Pro 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Most men have fragile egos. Praising his positive attributes, encouraging his good actions, promotes his growth, what you water and feed will grow.

Your husband wants to listen to your advice, and I am sure that you want to have your input too. The best way for you to get your advice ignored by him, is for him to think that you are either:

Challenging his leadership.

You are then an adversary.

Not advising him out of kindness.

Is your advice for his good, or to inflict pain.

Always being negative.

Sometimes you can teach him through your life of submission things that he may not hear from his pastor's message, his own devotions, or even your preaching at him.

1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Please note that "obey not the word" could mean that he is unsaved, or it could also mean that he is saved, but not living for Christ. They "may be won" without you preaching at them, but simply living a submissive lifestyle, "the conversation", and as a result be brought back to living for the Savior.

Can a husband live in rebellion to Christ even with a godly example from his wife, very definitely yes. And is a husband responsible for his own actions even if his wife isn't being submissive, also very definitely yes.

God wants you to teach others.

There is a responsibility for older women in the faith to teach younger women. Things about love, and their responsibility to their husbands, children, and their home. These women don't necessarily need to be older physically, but do need to be spiritually mature.

Tit 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Submission and holiness are linked.

1Pet 3:5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

What an amazing verse, here we see the testimony of the women from the old testament.

"the holy women"

They are noted as being "holy"

"who trusted in God,"

These women are also defined by their trust in God. In other words, they were godly women.

"being in subjection unto their own husbands:"

The bible says that they can be identified by their being in subjection to their own husbands. This implies that women of the old testament who refused to submit to their own husbands, either did not trust in God, or were not holy. I can find no other interpretation. Please do not claim to be a holy, godly woman, and yet fight your husband for the leadership of your family.

These women are fulfilling the principles found in Titus 2:3-5 of teaching others with their lives.

Let's go back to Titus and reexamine that verse in light of the holiness defined in Peter.